Why Marriage Is Not the "Fix" You Think It Is
By LaCharla
Chances are, you’ve heard the story of Adam and Eve. And if you’ve heard even one sermon on marriage, you’ve heard Genesis 2:18, “It’s not good that the man should be alone.”
Did you come away from the message believing that being single meant being incomplete or somehow broken? And did you get the message—intended or not—that marriage would “fix” you? Well, I don’t buy it. Singles are neither broken nor incomplete. Read on, and see if you agree with me.
The Old View
Many years ago, I heard a teaching that included Genesis 2:18. It emphasized that “it wasn’t good for man to be alone,” and left me thinking that Adam was alone, lonely, and incomplete, all because he was unmarried. After all, the animals were paired up, but Adam didn’t have a mate. And the Bible seemed to confirm that assumption when God gave Adam a wife. So, marriage was meant to “fix” Adam. Right?
Who Says?
I’m convinced there’s much more to that passage, and that it’s good news for any single who’s been told that marriage is the “fix” that will complete them.
First, let’s talk about Adam’s aloneness. You may have heard that Adam was not just alone, but lonely. Well, who says Adam was moping around feeling lonely?
He walked with and talked face to face with God! He was in the presence of unfathomable Perfection every day! And there was so much for him to see and do and learn. Nearly everything around him must have amazed Adam, because everything was new and beautiful!
I think Adam’s heart was too full for loneliness to take up space there. Full of love for His Father, and full of wonder at God’s amazing creation.
Then, Why?
If Adam wasn’t lonely, why did he need Eve? Well, Genesis tells us that of all the creatures around Adam, none was found that was suitable to him. I believe that’s because the animals weren’t created to be his peers. Not only did they differ from Adam physically, but they couldn’t communicate or make choices, or show emotions the way Adam could. They were not made in the image of God or brought to life by the breath of God. So they couldn’t connect with him socially.
But God had a solution. He went to work and hand-sculpted Eve using a part of Adam’s own body. God presented her to Adam, and Adam seemed to think this new creation was a really good idea!
After creating Eve, did God tell Adam she was created to cure his loneliness or to “complete” him? We don’t know everything God said, but we see no such suggestion in the Bible. At least none that I’ve seen.
The Bible tells us God described Eve as “a suitable, adapted, and complimentary” helper. (Gen. 2:20 -Amplified Bible) We like to think of God fixing poor lonely Adam by creating a devastatingly beautiful wife and presenting her in dramatic fashion. It’s so much more romantic that way.
But God’s statement was practical. Not emotional. Eve was there to help Adam.
Forget About Cinderella
Despite old teachings that suggest that Eve was created to be the maid, I don’t buy it. Her job was not to clean up the dishes while Adam went horseback riding! God gave Eve to Adam to help him carry out his big assignment.
Eve’s role was far from trivial. She was so important to Adam’s destiny that God hand-crafted her to be the perfect partner.
Is Genesis 2:18 For Modern Singles?
It’s easy to read Bible passages and apply them incorrectly. And while I’m no theologian, I believe it’s easy to misapply this one. I’ll give you two reasons for my belief that the passage doesn’t apply to today’s singles the way I’ve heard it taught in the past, and you can decide whether you agree:
First, Adam’s Unique Position
Adam wasn’t fully alone. God was there, and so was a boatload of creatures. Still, Adam was alone in other ways. He was the only human and therefore, the only man on the planet. There was no one else like him. According to God, that aloneness was not good.
No modern single will ever be alone quite like that. We have family, friends, and members of the Body of Christ for companions.
So Believers, no more pressuring singles into marriage based on Genesis 2:18!
Second, Eve Wasn’t A “Fix”
Some people may think marriage is the prescription to “fix” single people because God answered Adam’s aloneness with a wife. I disagree.
Yes, Adam got a wife, and she was a blessing for him. But she was given as a key part of a much bigger plan. I don’t believe she was given to “patch up” Adam’s lonely heart.
The Right Kind of Companion
Here’s what I mean: Adam needed a “suitable helper,” right? Well, God could have given Adam a brother—Benjamin, for example—to help him tend the Garden and to be his BFF. That would have solved Adam’s aloneness, given him a peer to hang out with, and supplied him with a strong helper.
But God is efficient, farsighted and purposeful. So by giving him Eve instead of Benjamin, God gave Adam a “suitable helper” for his daily work and for accomplishing God’s big, bold purpose for the first humans—to populate and subdue the earth.
Because God gave him Eve and not Benjamin, Adam eventually had a life-companion, a family, and a community. Eve was the most “suitable” helper for him. And as a big bonus, Adam received all the benefits that come with having a wife instead of a brother. (Can I get an amen?)
I’m OK and So Are You
So there you have it. The Bible doesn’t call singles lonely, broken, or incomplete people. Nor does it tell us that marriage will fix them. In fact, I Corinthians 7:28 tells us we’ll have troubles in this life if we marry.
A good marriage is a great thing, but it’s not duct tape; it won’t patch your broken places. In fact, you can count on NEW challenges.
Feeling Incomplete
Marriage creates an entirely new state of being that the Bible calls “one flesh.” As spouses, we have a bond–a deep spiritual, emotional, and physical connection. So husbands and wives may feel incomplete without one another at times. But that “incompleteness,” if we can call it that, comes AFTER the vows, not before.
As a single, you may feel lonely, and you may hope to get married. But know that you’re complete and whole as a person whether or not you ever marry.
MUST You “Replenish the Earth”?
You may have heard the Biblical mandate to “go forth and replenish the earth” and assumed all Christians must marry and reproduce. I believe God showed us that He wanted families to fill the earth and that he charged Adam and Eve with launching that program.
But I’ve seen nothing in scripture that requires everyone else on the planet to marry and bear children.
The Apostle Paul, I think, might agree with me. See what Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:7: Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me– a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others. –The Message Bible
Single-Focused
If you’re single, you have a unique opportunity to focus on your God-given destiny with fewer distractions. So don’t put your life on hold waiting for a husband or wife to show up.
Singleness is a gift. Use it well. Get out there and pursue your purpose. Develop your potential. Enjoy your life. Make a difference so that you’ll be ready when the time comes to leave your singleness behind.
Try not to feel sad if you haven’t snagged Mr. Right or Ms. Too Good To Be True. Try not to obsess over every unmarried man or woman who crosses your path. Instead, make the most of your life NOW. After all, desperation is not a good look on you, and it can lead to some very bad decisions.
Easy for me to say?? Well, I think God says so too:Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. –The Message (Bible)
Now you know what I believe. Singleness is not some kind of curse or broken state that need to be fixed. Why not Comment below and let me know YOUR thoughts.
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